0: Hand, a monkey a gun. Who did that?
1: Nobody, I mean, I dunno, maybe somebody. Shut up--let me finish. That phrase,
"To hand a monkey a gun. It's like you're basically doing something so reckless,
right? Everybody's in danger, okay? But when you really think about it, yeah,
a monkey with a gun is terrifying, but he's also just scared monkey, y'know?
He doesn't know what's going on. I mean, he's got this gun...
Who left that lying around, right? All he knows are bananas, I mean,
maybe he was just hungry.
Shouldn't we try to maybe calm him down so he doesn't hurt himself...?
And we don't have to kill him? You get me?
I think...
Europe made you gayer than ever.
-Fuck you. (chuckle) -No, no, I mean,
I think you're going to be a great veterinarian.
I love that you want to save animals now... pussy.
1: But, did you even listen to what I said though?
0: Ugh, I feel like my head's going to explode... Holy fuck.
1: Yeah, you drank a lot.
Yeah...
0: Thanks for letting me crash.
And for brunch.
1: Well, I gotta get my day started, y'know? Put things in order, so...
What have you been up to? How's your living situation?
Your sister?
-Holy fuck--what's happening? -What?
-What's wrong with you? What are you thinking about? -No, nothing--
-I just asked you a question, why can't you answer me? -I'm fine, there's nothing. I'm fine.
Okay...
What about music? Before I left you were talking about that program--
0: Nah, that fell through.
Yeah. I don't know, man... I think I just realised it's just bullshit kid stuff.
I mean, all these people, right? They all want to be artists.
They all want to be famous. They all "want to be" something.
Just fucking wannabes.
You want to be famous because you watch famous people and you want to have people look at you.
So stupid, man.
Just enjoy watching famous people!
Go to work, come home, get drunk, jerk off, go to sleep--but go to work again the next day!
Fuckers talk about this shit: Movies, music, like it's their reason to live--they're not even there for it.
The whole time they're just thinking, "Oh,
I hope I'll come up with something this good, then Daddy'll love me." He won't.
And you're just another dickhead trying to get everyone to love you and want you
all the time. Nah, I snapped out of it, man.
I'm not special because no one's special.
The fuckers up there have just always been up there, and me?
Nah, I'll keep bussing tables...
I'm not waiting for the lottery to solve my problems.
It's funny. Laugh.
1: ...Are you good?
0: What? Yeah, the fuck? I was saying,
we should go to the movies, bro! Jo told me she snuck in drinks last time--
They don't even search you there.
She got so fucked she doesn't even remember what she saw!
What? What is this? What are you doing?
1: No, guy, we just partied last night. And me personally, I'm physically shot.
And it's already... It's already two!? 'Kay, you gotta go. You gotta go.
0: Come on, man, don't be like that--kicking me out so soon.
1: G, you've been here since last night. It's the afternoon the next day,
what do you mean "so soon?".
0: You're such a cocksucker, bro.
You just got back here and you want to be alone already?
1: Of course, there's nothing better than my company. Right? Let's go. Come on.
Good seeing you, Mike.
0: Hey, let me know if you're down to chill later. Movie or not.
1: Yeah, I'm a "no" today, brother.
0: I'll text you.
Oh, and...
I'm the monkey, right?
Great party, big dog. Welcome back.
1: I'm happy to be back!
A-And, happy birthday!
(OMINOUS HUMMING)
(OMINOUS HUM INCREASES)
(OMINOUS DRONING)
(BOWL SLAMS--DRONE CEASES)
(BREATHING EFFORTS)
(SHARP RINGING AND FEEBACK)
(INTENSE DRUMMING)
0: Yo-- Fucking pussies! Absolute fucking pussies, dude. (Candy Shop by Tablespoons plays)
Just trying to fit in the boxes. Posing,
just trying to fit in is all anyone cares about anymore.
They don't even realise the fact that they blend in to feel special.
It's like trying to be different by being "different" like everyone else.
It's fucking nonsense.
This polar bear swim crap at the beginning of every year.
Nobody cares that you ran into the ocean in winter for the four seconds it took
to get that picture. But they all still do it. And send it,
and share it across all their devices and platforms--What are you doing!?
WHAT ARE THESE GUYS DOING!?
I SEE YOU FUCKERS, I SEE THROUGH YOUR BULLSHIT!
...But honestly, deep down, I mean, yeah, I wish I was like them.
Could work at a coffee shop or join a cult, same thing, pretty much.
But the thing that really gets me, bro, I mean, the thing that fucking boils my blood.
They think with all that shit, all this outside attention and...
Stickiness--They're happy?
I'll take this.
This is what happy looks like.
This is what fucking happy looks like.
I like your kitchen, bro.
Yeah, the landlord had to buy all new stuff.
Broke down all at once. Shiny, silver...
Did you listen to what I said though? That was facts.
My sister's cousin got me some crazy shit.
It's called "Killer Gorilla." If you chew it, and dip,
It hits faster-r-r... (echoey and distorted) ("falling down" BY ARBUTUS BLUE PLAYS)
("CANDY SHOP" PLAYS MUFFLED)
(DOOR SLAMS) (HIP HOP BEAT, PEOPLE TALKING)
(RINGING)
3: -Hello?
0: Uhm, hi.
3: -Miguel.
0: Hey.
3: -...Is everything all right?
0: Yeah. I just, uh... really needed to talk to you.
3: -Okay.
0: Unless you're like busy right now--are you with mom or something?
3: -It's four in the morning here.
0: Oh... Uhm, did I wake you up?
3: -No, I just mean...
-(SIGH) It's fine. What's happening? Why'd you call me?
0: Yeah. I mean... No, I just, um...
I just called you, because...
Because, I, uh...
Because I just--you know, I think I just realised I'm--I'm just such a fuckup, y'know?
I'm just fucking poison.
3: -Migue, where are you right now?
0: I'm a bad person, Lisa, y'know? And you left now...
And I made it happen, but I...
3: -Miguel?
-Miguel.
0: God, I wish you hadn't answered the phone.
3: -What? Why would you say that?
0: I used to be so much faster, y'know? I used to be fast, Lisa.
Fuck. God. This is fucking stupid. I'm just drunk--
I'm just drunk and I called you and I, ugh--
3: -No, listen to me. Where are you? Are you home?
0: No, I'm at this house party.
3: -Oh.
0: I'm outside.
3: -Okay...
-I think you should just get some water and go home.
2: Yeah.
3: -I really think you should just go home... I don't know what to say. I...
0: No, all good. No, yeah, I'll uh...
I'm gonna go now. You go back to bed. It's all good.
3: -Okay. Love you--
0: Okay. I'm going to go. Bye. Bye. -Bye
(CAN CRACKING OPEN)
4: ("The Hermit" by Ro'Star plays)